Social Distancing Diaries: Day 59

Dear Diary

Thoughts on an Ordinary Day

Several of us in this family deal with anxiety. It’s a strange beast—it’s not particularly connected to a specific event. So it’s hard to say, “I’m feeling anxious about ___.” And it rears its ugly head suddenly and unexpectedly. Literally one moment you’re fine and the next moment your stomach is clenched and your muscles are tight and your heart beats abnormally. It might lead to a panic attack or it might just be a nagging feeling that sticks with you all day and you just can’t shake it. I’ve felt a level of anxiety since this quarantine began. Some days are better than others. It’s caused me to ponder what exactly I’m anxious about. I don’t have a great answer for that, but like the root of most anxiety, I suspect it’s the fear of the unknown. Despite feeling anxious myself I also find myself in the position to give counsel to the girls in dealing with their own anxiety. I try to remind them of times when they successfully faced something that frightened them. And I used words like “brave”, “strong”, “capable”, “choice”. And this might sound counterproductive, but I also remind them that any control we think we have in life is really an illusion. We can make plans and use wisdom and discernment and make good choices. But ultimately we are not in control in the way we like to believe we are. So when a situation comes along, like a pandemic, we can feel keenly out of control. Thankfully I don’t stop there with that bleak assessment. Instead I’m reminded that my life is governed by the God of the universe. I especially like the poetry of the book of Job. Job, you may recall, suffered nearly every calamity short of his own death. His friends and his wife were sure it was his fault and that he would be better off dead. They offered all kind of advice and platitudes—that makes up most of the book of Job. But at the very end God speaks, and that’s the part I love so much. Oddly He doesn’t give answers to any of Job’s “why” questions. Instead He so eloquently describes the kinds of things He does each day (and asks Job if he can do any of those things!).

            Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?...Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion?...Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, “Here we are”? Job 38: 12-13, 31, 35

Those are just a few of my favorites. Events of this world cause us to ask “Why” more times than we would like. And we can make ourselves crazy with worry. Anxiety may always be a part of our constitutions, but we are not left without hope. The God who governs the dawn, the constellations, and the lightning bolts governs our lives too. It’s not necessary to know the larger picture. Not when we know the artist Himself.