Family Tales

I love my family. My dad is one of 5 siblings and my mom is one of 6 siblings. I won’t try to count all of my first cousins because I will inevitably forget someone and feel terrible. Given enough time I can name them all. On both sides of my family I fall pretty much in the middle of the cousin line-ups. A large percentage of my aunts, uncles, and first cousins live in the same general area as I do which means that as I was growing up, family was the main social group for parties and picnics. We don’t all agree on political or religious matters, but we are careful to remain politely tight-lipped on such topics. We also aren’t keen on conflict.

The Mother Land

Although this fact is not unusual in these parts of the woods, I can think of at least 2 cases where relatives on my dad’s side of the family are related to relatives on my mom’s side of the family. For example, I have an uncle on my dad’s side who is a first cousin to an uncle on my mom’s side. I’m not kidding when I say it can get complicated. I’ve even instructed my daughters that if they have their eye on a romantic interest, they need to run their choice through my family tree first to make sure we aren’t already related!

I once met a second cousin of mine when I walked into the bank to do my banking. She was working as a teller and somehow we figured out that we were related. Up until then I didn’t even know she existed. There are many more where she came from! I also became good friends with a woman, only to find out 3-4 years later that we are third cousins. No joke. I can’t even explain how we’re related but one of my aunts is a wealth of family knowledge and she knows the connection.

Speaking of aunts, my parents hosted a picnic on Memorial Day this year and invited my mom’s sisters and their spouses. Coming out of the Year of Social Isolation we hadn’t seen these family members very much, so it was especially entertaining to spend an evening with them. And although these ladies do talk amongst each other with some frequency, there is something exciting about getting together in person. It was a thing to behold! It was so great that I even took notes on the conversation.

Which hat would Terri wear??

The First Lesson that I noted was to designate a Men’s Table and a Women’s Table. While this may be unusual to those outside of this culture, this has been the natural course of events at all family gatherings as I grew up. No announcement is made; it just happens. There was co-mingling during the meal, but the after-dinner conversation was segregated. I figure, if it worked on Downton Abbey, then it’s fine. And there is definitely no brandy or cigars, so it’s really harmless. It was during this time of conversation that Aunt J (names withheld to protect the innocent) announced to her sisters to gather around to hear her news! My mind went wild with excitement! What big metaphorical bombshell was she about to drop? What “tea” was about to be spilled, Sister?? Guess what? J had recently visited her friend at the retirement community and while there had decided to pop in and surprise another woman resident who was friends with her sister, my Aunt C. This surprised woman (it was 7:30 and she was already in her pajamas) didn’t recognize Aunt J who had to explain who she was by saying she was C’s youngest sister. Oh yes, then the hypersomniac (I looked that one up) recognized the cheery woman at her door. If memory serves me correctly, and I may have this mixed up, but I think this woman now goes by a different name. Not a totally different name—it’s more like if you were called Debbie all your life and now you go by Deborah. Or Pat/Patty. Or Chris/Christopher. You get the idea. During the course of conversation another name change was noted. This led me to Note Number 2:

I found Terri!!!

When you reach a certain age, you can change your name! Oh the possibilities! My name is Theresa. It’s long. I so envied girls who had nicknames. In second grade I tried hard to convince people to call me Terri. It didn’t work. I’ve never had a nickname. Apparently I need only wait a few more decades and I can reinvent myself! I could finally become Terri! I’m already imagining how cute the nameplate on my door of the nursing home will look. Maybe Terri has a different personality than Theresa. Perhaps Terri is the life of the party—outgoing and gregarious. Fearless. Not afraid to speak her mind. I did just buy a Hawaiian printed t-shirt. Terri would wear Hawaiian shirts and floppy sunhats. Terri would wear white capris with palm trees printed on them.

Aunt J told another lengthy story that I did not follow completely. It involved another visit to a retirement community. Or maybe it was all the same visit. That part is fuzzy to me. But once again she ran into acquaintances whom she knew but they did not know her (how does she have all these one-sided relationships??). Once again, the mystery was solved by describing herself as “the youngest sister of C.” The interesting thing about the people in this story is that we are, apparently, related to them. What’s even more interesting is that my daughter’s boyfriend is good friends with one of their grandsons! How did we discover this, you ask?? First of all, Someone obviously wasn’t sitting at the Men’s Table. Whatever. We’ll let it slide. He recognized the last name and one thing led to another. Besides knowing the entire family tree, Aunt C also knows what church seemingly everyone in the county attends. She was able to put 2 and 2 together and if I understand this math, it turns out my daughter is related to her boyfriend’s good friend!

The best part of being privy to my aunts’ conversations is to see their personalities expressed in all their glory. They are all kind, generous, thoughtful, polite individuals. Yet, like all of us, they have quirks that contribute to their wonderful individualism. My daughter leaned over to me and whispered, “Let’s match up Aunts with us girls! Which one are you? Which one am I?” In the end, we couldn’t do a one-for-one match. It turns out that we are all unique individuals—I prefer to think that one generation passes on the best of themselves to the next generation. That, I’m sure, is true of my Aunts!