A blogpost that satirizes blogposts!

Lily (age 11 and 363 days) spends quite a bit of time reading blogs and watching vlogs. I can’t get into vlogs. I do not understand the attraction of watching someone else narrate their life that is either A. just as mundane as mine or B. so far beyond my economic reality that I can’t relate. I guess it’s a bit like reality tv, of which I also am not a fan.

I also don’t read many blogs. And yes, I recognize the irony of this! I mostly encounter blogs when I search Pinterest for a recipe and have to wade through pages and pages of commentary before I even find the recipe itself. This is what Lily and I were making fun of today as we were “chillaxin’” in the pool. Lily was narrating a satirical blogpost that went something like this:

“Hey Guys!” (Why do they all start like this? I’m on a mission to find a better salutation.)

This is Grandma’s recipe for Nutella cupcakes. It’s even better because Grandma made them for us!

“I wanted to share this cookie recipe with you. It’s so special to me because my great-grandmother used to make this for us. When I make this it takes me back to my childhood days. Now, Grandma of course made this with butter and milk, but I’m a vegan, so I’m going to make some substitutions. Now instead of regular butter I use this great oat-milk butter. And since we can’t use milk, I recommend this great substitution called ‘milk water’. You take water and you add to it this non-dairy coffee creamer. I get this at Target. It’s right next to the candle aisle, where I spend much of my time. My favorite is the Hazelnut Irish Cream. Mmm, it’s so good! This is the creamer I use in my coffee. Actually I don’t drink the coffee. I just drink the creamer. The key to Grandma’s cookies is chocolate chips. I found this great substitute that’s made from spinach! They look exactly like chocolate chips. They taste nothing like chocolate, but they look like it, so your kids will eagerly gobble up the first cookie.”

Lily narrates it so much better than I can write it. Of course this is all tongue in cheek. We have nothing against vegans! You’re free to eat whatever you want or refrain from eating whatever you want. If you don’t judge me for my Cheetos, I won’t judge you!